4/23/08

The Undead Hordes

Know your enemy. The first rule of warfare, a rule held up throughout the ages. Without a good understanding of your enemy you could make a deady mistake. For instance without knowing even the basics of all types of zombies you could spend time and ammunition shooting them in the chest or legs. While this might slow them down it wont stop them. So with knowledge in mind I propose to dedicate this post, and perhaps sever subsequent posts, to the exploration of the different types of zombies.


Divine Zombies

Not all zombies are the product of space radiation or alphabetical viruses. A few, and let me stress how rare these are, are the work of a god or gods. These zombies can have a variety of origins and attributes but for brevitys sake well stick to the basics. These zombies are usually fairly quick, being able to move at what would be a normal pace for a human, and are incredible tough. Their strength goes beyond supernatural limits so that breaking through walls and the like are commonplace for them. Intelligence and state of decay can vary however most are cunning rather than intelligent and have seen a few hours to a few days decomposition rather than months. The powers that be do not usually let them decay further after the resurection and usually only raise one at a time. They can be used to hunt down single targets or to wreak havoc amongst towns but will rarely spread beyond a town. They are usually contagious (I.E. can spawn more zombies) but the victims will become a weaker version rather than another divine zombie. These minions can usually recieve commands from the "master" zombie so that they can coordinate.

Threat Level: Divine zombies are rarely a threat in the global sense of the word, being focused on avenging some slight against this god or that. However there is little that can be done to dissuade a hunting divine zombie from tearing you to pieces if you happen to be unlucky enough to be its target. All I can recommend to do is make your peace with your chosen deity and kiss your ass goodbye.


Magical Zombies

Zombies created by black magic are differentiated from divine zombies by the creation process. While Divine zombies are created through communing with Gods or by a god him/herself Magical, or Voodoo, Zombies are the direct product of a human through a magical rite. These zombies can be seen as lesser versions of divine zombies, as humans cannot match the work of a god. These zombies are not easily killed but can be stopped by dismembering. These zombies are rarely capable of spreading their disease but anyone killed by the zombie can be ritualisticly raised by the original zombie's creator.

Threat Level: Low. These zombies can be stopped fairly easily and do not spread. The hard part is killing whoever raised them.


Viral Zombies:Slow

Viral Zombies are created through a number of means. The rage virus, solanum, T-Virus, G-Virus, and various other viruses can cause a variety of zombies. However there are only two major categories of viral zombies, fast and slow. The slower zombies usually cannot move at a pace much beyond a shuffle. They are blessed with abnormal strength but this does not stem from any strengthening of the muscles but rather a decreased inhibition and no knowledge of restraint. Furthermore these zombies have next to no intelligence. Setting up barricades will usually stop them from entering a building so long as they do not know you are inside them. They are unable to climb ladders or even make their way up an inclined plane due to deteoriated motor skills.Barracades can easily fend off this zombies and trauma to the brain will completely stop them. However because of the viral nature these zombies can spread their disease through a bite, or in more advanced cases a scratch. So while these may not pose much of a threat individually do to their low strength and intelligence they can easily overrun a town or city due to sheer numbers.

Threat Level: High. These zombies must be countered and killed quickly before they have the chance to gain critical numbers. Their advantage is in numbers and as such survivors of an epidemic are cautioned to keep moving rather staying to fight.


Viral Zombies:Fast:Dead

These are the worst of all zombies. They dont die by themselves after a certain period, like other fast zombies, and can easily keep up with or even overcome running humans. They seem to have limitless stamina and can manage speeds just below what a reasonably fit human can. They have the same strength of the slower variety but with more motor skills and intelligence as well as reproducing themselves in the same manner, bites or scratches. These zombies have even been known to open doors and climb stairs. In short these zombies are the baddest of badasses. If you come against these your only defense is cunning and good booby-traps. Well prepared ground can defend you. Traveling is not really an option with these since you cannot reliably lose these. I suggest finding a place to hole up and stay out of sight.

Threat Level: Extreme. These zombies are my worst nightmare. While it is possible to outwit and outrun these they signal the end of your continents civilization. Containing and quarantining these cannot be succesfully done unless the government of the said country are willing to nuke the infected area.


Viral Zombies:Fast:Live

These zombies differ from the other types by never having actually been dead. They are only loosely zombies because they have limited intelligence and an unlimited thirst for flesh. As such they are exactly equal to humans in their physical abilities but vastly inferior in intelligence. Luckily these zombies will wear themselves out or even eventually starve themselves to death. Think of these as 28 Weeks Later for the live and Rob Zombie's Dawn of the Dead for the undead variety of these fast motherfuckers. All in all if you have to face fast zombies I truly hope that you will be able to face the living variety.

Threat Level: Medium. Stay out of their way and stay smart and you will be fine.

It Begins

As many of you are aware the end is coming. It will be one hell of a party for anyone with a little know-how and guts. While I know I cannot save everyone my hope is to here prepare you so that when the zombies start tearing the flesh from our friends and families you and I might keep each other company. What fun is the apocalypse without a few knowledgable companions? Id hate for all of the survivors to be like the crackers in Romero's original Night of the Living Dead.

This blog will seek to lay to rest any doubts you may have about our common foe, zombies, and to disillision you about any superstitions the media may have instilled. While I cannont claim to be infalliable, unlike Benedict XVI, I have earned my experience through many an encounter with the Undead in their myriad of forms.


Happy Hunting Folks,
Cory Humanchek
Zombie Hunter